Haba! There has to be accountability in governance. And I think, I have earned the right to demand it, interrogate it or even bicker about it. Finances, whether they are private or belonging to the commonwealth demands scrutiny. I can pound my chest with pride knowing I have, over the years, made significant contributions to my State’s financial health, in budgets, revenues, up to some agencies’ financial reports.
The recent newspaper report that Governor Umo Eno blew a whopping N.5 billion in one night is concerning to me. The report listed entrepreneurs, sports champions, farmers and civil servants as beneficiaries. N550 million is no lean figure. To offer context, that amount is the current value of two choice properties on banana Island.
This is becoming a trend. Sometime last year, I had stumbled on a report, where the governor was applauded for expending about N37 billion of Akwa Ibom hard earned money. The report quoted unpaid pension and gratuity. Haba! Why are we spending money like that? Is the debt profile of pension not captured as N87 billion? Governor, why are you in a hurry? Can’t we rather save the money or perhaps divide N87 billion by eight years of your government and pay accordingly, year by year? Why spend money like water?
Money has consequences, Your Excellency my Governor, and I have proofs. One of the recipients of the gratuity fund you paid, named Mr Bassey, -let’s just call him that to avoid lawsuits-Can you believe that he bought himself a flashy android phone with his gratuity money? Somebody who could not afford a common Nokia touch light! He now sits around scrolling on the widescreen of the phone with a smirk on his face even though, he is yet to get the hang of how the damn thing works! Such a wasteful fellow!
He did not only gratuity buy himself an android phone, he stopped coming to clean my compound, the work I offered him to wipe his tears before his gratuity arrived.
The last time I set my eyes on Mr Bassey, he had married a new wife. For what? Because of gratuity money?
At some point last year too, there was a big headline in the local newspaper that I subscribe to. The newspaper vendor, a mugwumpy fellow with dirty face cap, still knocks at my door every other Tuesday to deliver fresh newspaper. I am old school and love to recline on my armchair outside my veranda and read newspaper. I love the scent of calcified inks on the newspaper and freshly brewed coffee on the table. It’s manly and chivalrous. I could never be caught dead scrolling through my WhatsApp or any other app on my phone looking for news. But I guess, it has its disadvantages too. One of which is the reason the vendor dude, Akpabio, takes undue advantage of me.
Delivering the paper that day, and knowing very well my love-hate relationship for big money news, the vendor read the news to me, standing just outside my veranda with a funny grin on his face. “Governor Umo pays N1.1 billion bonus to all public servants.” He sang excitedly. Such an old snook! I didn’t believe he mastered those words. It’s likely someone helped him pronounce every word in that headline, and that he simply stored up the sound in his cheek, like a squirrel store nuts, only to regurgitate them to me.
“This gofnor atry sir.” He added. I remember grabbing the newspaper and staring at the headline myself to be sure the half-literate fellow did not misread the figures.
How, my dear Governor, just how?
Eager to get rid of the fellow and the insolent grin on his face, I drew out a N200 bill and thrust it at him, he hesitated. “Oga, this time paper haff cost.” He stammered.
At this point I was traumatized. I sensed blackmail. In this life, you can trust a newspaper vendor at your peril. This was last year.
Now, Your Excellency, as if I have not been traumatized enough, you gave N750,000 to young, young girls. 400 of them! Is it not too much? 400 of them at once! I looked at their pictures and saw that some of them are old enough to marry. Though, I must admit, that time have changed. But N750,000 to put in business and rent a shop, haba! My grandfather palm fruits plantation in 1960 was not a quarter of that figure. You also rewarded best performing civil servants in all the ministries with 1million each as if we’re still in Christmas season! You made them too happy, they might even stop coming to work. Money has consequences! Haba.
Most respectfully, Y.E. Sir. I put it to you that you make me dizzy like one who climbs to the top of the tree and looks down. Lest we forget, let me humbly remind you of what you said on the last day of your campaign before election, you said you will be a worker-friendly governor. Your Excellency, I understand the need to honor promises. It’s what gentlemen do. But let me also whisper to you that you are not under any mbiam. A promise can be broken. This level of attachment to workers is unreal in our part of the world!
But I commend you for the ARISE Home Farm initiative. I have my reasons. My mother raised us by selling vegetables from our home garden and made a lot of profit too.
N500,000. You have to 50 of them. I have noted the number. I will respond to this next week, when I am sure the people used the money you gave them to put in their farm. I suspect that that Mr Bassey, must be one of the people who have used their android phones to apply for ARISE Home Farming Program. I saw his picture in the newspaper. What a smart old fellow! I will start my investigation from his house! I hope he is not planning to use Akwa Ibom money to impress his young wife.
Please, Your Excellency, keep blowing the money. Don’t stop!
Clement Warrie is a global citizen residing locally in Nsit Ubium.